Terrified

In January it will be the 10 year anniversary of a head-on collision I was in that totaled my lovely little Ford Escort 4-door, green of course. That was the last new car I bought. Saturday night we had a bit of freezing drizzle with threat of ice. We had a dinner party to attend a couple of miles out in the country. Not too far. The roads were salted and it wasn’t horrible or anything, but as the time approached I found myself becoming almost paralyzed with fear. Really terrified. I just can’t believe that after all this time I still have this terror. On the drive home from the dinner party I ask John if he’d mind terribly if I just put my Ipod on and closed my eyes. He was okay with that and it really helped. I peeked a couple of times but the music was really good to keep me from panicking. When we got into town I was able to relax.

I guess as much as I try to have my mantra be “fear is the mind killer” it doesn’t always work that way. I guess I should be glad that I actually got into the car……

We had snow that I drove in Thursday with not a bit of trouble. Of course it was daylight and I have a stick which is great for snow.

Here are some lyrics to a Steve Green song that I have liked for a long time. The only place I’ve seen it though is on his Christmas album featuring the Salvation Army band on the cover of the album.

Rest, the Lord is near
Refuse to fear
Enjoy his life

Trust, His mighty power
Fills every hour
Of all your days

There is no need for needless worry
With such a Savior, you have no cause
To every doubt

His precious Word
Still reassures
In every trial

Call Him
If you grow frightened
Call Him
With loving care

He’ll lift the burden and you’ll
Rest, the Lord is near
Refuse to fear
Enjoy His life

Just some pictures

I haven't updated for about 3 weeks. Here are some snapshots.

Desiree and Hunter

Jordan, Mom T, David, Dad T., Steve

Jordan, Dad and Mom B., Steve

Desiree and Chris

Cameron and Brett

David and Steven

Dad T, Shannon, Erin, Mom T, Jim, Brett, Cameron, Kevin, Desiree and John

Jordan at NHS induction

Jordan and NHS induction

Baby Mykala with parents

Baby Mykala with grandparents

Reflecting on Poverty

From our Just Faith week 6, after our reading assignment from "Amazing Grace" by Kozol. Here are the questions, and a part of my answers.

Question 1: What are your early memories of poor people, or of being poor yourself?
-Poor people and addicted people coming into the Salvation Army for assistance, money, a meal, a bus ticket somewhere.
-Visiting a lady in a one room house.
-Working in the thrift store.
-Was I poor? Not really. We did live in a trailer while dad was in the Air Force but after they joined the Salvation Army our homes were provided and they were in decent blue collar neighborhoods. I always felt like I wasn't "cool enough" in school since I didn't have the name brand clothes or a nice hairstyle, but I wasn't ever hungry or cold.

Question 2: What did people close to you say to you about poverty, about poor people?
-Being raised as the child of Salvation Army ministers, the poor in town were just a part of our lives. Our job was helping others. "Heart to God, Hand to Man" is the S.A. slogan. A lot of government programs (WIC, cheese, etc.) were run from the church.
-Being poor was never a cause for distancing myself from another.

Question 3: What experiences as an adult have you had of poverty in the world?
-My own experience was a year or two of absolute poverty. I didn't think of it that way at the time, but there were many occasions that water/electricity was shut off. One place I didn't have any heat at all. I have had to haul water from the pizza joint across the street from my apartment in order to flush toilets when the water was shut off. I've used a bunson burner to keep warm. I have subsisted on macaroni and cheese box dinners for weeks at a time. I've rode the bus because I couldn't afford a car.
-As far as poverty in the world, until Just Faith I really hadn't given it a thought. Since then, studying a lot, reading, and watching educational video as part of the program I have learned. In addition I've had the chance to actually spend time with the poor, not just handing out food but really talking and finding out what they think, what they think should be done to improve things. When we visited the Catholic Worker House on Linwood and got to eat dinner with some of the people coming for a meal, it was very moving, but also a learning experience. Some of my assumptions were very wrong.

Annie Get Your Gun

Here he is, the one the only, STEVE!

This is a small sample of 15 pictures from the musical.

Click to make larger if you choose. Enjoy!

Weekend

Just a quick little post to talk about the weekend... but first....An exciting adventure on the way to work last week.

Flatbed semi trailer in front of me. It had what appeared to be a tire rolling alongside it. But then it disappeared, and I wondered if I was hallucinating. The truck (right in front of me) began throwing sparks out from under the flatbed. I called the MO hwy patrol and reported this. While still on the phone with them, the tire (yes it was real) rolled out from underneath on the right side, then rolled in front of me, over into the left lane and hopefully noone was hurt. I guess by this time the trucker had been informed by other trucks that saw this, and he pulled over. Crazy!

Saturday morning I went to Squaw Creek. Saw 2 bald eagles sitting side by side like they were posing for me. Saw lots of snow geese, white fronted geese, and lots of ducks. (Northern pintail, Shoveler, etc...) Oh, also some white pelicans, and the usual egrets and herons.

Sunday was church and laundry day as usual. We did a little shopping. I was able to get some much needed snow boots for free with my coupon. Yay coupons!!!

Today is training day #35 of 168!

When I Walk, an original poem by.....me

The bumpy winding path leads the way

to peace and unique understanding

Silence will make things right, but not quite.....

quiet

The floating melody drifts, collides with my ears and spirit and

distinct harmonies resonate

Imagined wings on my back ache to stretch and lift me aloft.

Dinners For Eight Halloween party - Its all about Kato

Kato Devil Dame

Kato made a deal with the devil....

Mike and Jean as Hippies (crazy ones I might add)

Ed and Nancy

Greg and April as the Flintstones.

Al and Sandy as roaring 20s couple.

Brian and Carlin as the crazy mad scientest and his nurse!

The electric slide I think. Chuck and Joann are out there, and Jo is the pirate lady.

Rich with his crazy homemade glasses.

Witchiepoo.!

Steve's mixed choir concert

The only 5 boys in the 9th grade mixed choir!

Steve introducing one of the songs.

C.J. and Steve.

Some October pictures

This is a picture of "lucky linda's" carrot pumpkin she made for bunco in October.

This is the Jewell fountain. I just thought it looked neat with the lights from the field behind it, so I took a timed exposure to get this shot.
This is the famous swan couple at the Precious Blood Center. We had our Just Faith retreat there in October. Luckily Mr. Swan was behaving himself and didn't get too aggressive! No chasing us off or anything. There must not be a nest right now. It was a beautiful day!

Cardinal and sparrow at the feeder.

Jordan and Kari picking up trash on a Girl Scout walk. There were only 2 girls so we just decided to take a walk and the girls thought they should pick up trash too.

First finch at the feeder.

Just the news

I’m very happy to say Dad’s throat problem is NOT cancer. That’s such a relief. They think his vocal cord paralysis was caused by a virus and they are going to try some various treatments over the next few weeks.

Six weeks of class are finished as of today. Amazing. That makes it day 29 out of 168. That means 139 days to go. (not including holidays or weekends!). So far, so good. I think I am getting a reasonable grasp on all the lessons we have covered so far. It is a complicated job. I truly think my programming background is a huge asset here. There are many rules to follow and computer coding that goes hand-in-hand with each rule. There are also many exceptions to rules. It’s interesting when the lessons move along. It’s tough to stay focused and not daydream when its slow going. Our class seems to be pretty good, on the ball. Of course from what I hear we will all be at each other’s throats by May 16th (graduation day)! Let’s hope not.

Just Faith is going well. We are heading into week 5. The first few weeks focus has been on poverty, so some of the video and reading we are assigned is tough to take in. We had our opening retreat last Saturday and that was a very beautiful day, clear blue skies and mild temperatures. Since we were such a small number we shortened it to one day rather than an entire weekend. The swan at the Precious Blood center was behaving himself for a change. He didn’t try to chase us or anything. Although when Sara fed some leftover donut to the geese he swam up and they made way immediately. He must be “king of the pond”.

I finally finished my Santa cross-stitch that I’ve been working on (off and on) for 2 years. I took it up for framing and hopefully it will be back soon. I forgot to stitch my name on it! I will have to write it on the back of the frame I guess. Now I am working on an “Antique Wedding Sampler” that I picked up on the cross stitch hop in May on a clearance rack. It is really hard. Since there is a lot of symmetry, any mistake MUST be fixed. No shortcuts or ad-lib. So far I’ve had about 5 major re-do episodes. Very, very annoying. However, in the end it will be a beautiful piece.

With just 2 girl scouts yesterday we took a walk and the girls decided (mostly Kari’s doing) to pick up trash along the way. We cleaned up one whole side of the road!

That’s all the news for now.

Martial Arts MADNESS - i.e. "what the *#@!"

~~~~~~~~ start of back story~~~~~~~~~~~

I don't understand some people. John and Steve went to a black belt prep class (for 3rd degree recommended - they are already black belts BTW). The first question that was asked, and NOT to the DAD, BTW, was "where's jordan?". Um excuse me but could you talk to the DAD and not the BROTHER? (she's off debating).

ANYWAY.... Next comment from the MADAME MASTER (okay that just didn't sound good, but I don't really give a *$#!).

"Steve, you need a hair cut. ". Okay, but if you have seen Steve on my blog you know he doesn't have long hair. It's just regular guy hair and he keeps it pretty neat. Ummmm. So, not NEAR enough to braid, dread-lock, or any such thing. Just normal guy hair. So....she made some more comments about the hair.....

And again, the kid's DAD is standing right there. Is there a reason you do not ask the DAD about the kids hair, when he's standing right there? Is there a reason that if you have a problem with a kid's hair you don't take it up with the PARENT, who is standing right there!?

(Do you all get it that the DAD is right THERE!?)

So, on with the black belt prep show. Next we are subjected to a 20 minute lecture about *drumroll*......., let's hear it folks,

DISCIPLINE. I.E. Parents not disciplining their children, letting their children make all the decisions, ummmm..... specifically "long hair".

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~end of back story~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My issues

• You don't know anything about our family's discipline. If you did you would know that we have the best kids ever. We are a happy family and if our hair is "not right" then you can kiss my lily white *#! And for heaven's sake, if she thinks Steven's hair is long, good Lord!
• You don't know anything about JOHN and discipline. Obviously not.... John is the one who taught ME about discipline. I didn't have too much of it when we met. Sure I was a sweet gal and all, but it takes self-discipline to get through life too and lots of it if you don't want to be bankrupt and have lots of health problems. So let me get this straight..... you Madame Master want to lecture my son and husband on their hair and discipline????
• Enough already. Martial Arts was one of the neatest things that happened to this family. It is the coolest family activity ever! It has taught our kids so much, a lot of hard work has gone into this activity. But for goodness sakes, enough is enough. We don't have to take abuse like this and won't. Our family can live without your particular brand of "hair correctness".
• And another thing, just because you are devoted to martial arts, have your own studio, live and breathe it, does not mean that others don't care about the sport just because they travel for work, have school activities, etc... What are you THINKING woman????
• If you have a problem with someone, just OUT WITH IT. I say this because we believe the master was pissed off about something else, such as missing last week's prep class, so she decided to make Steve and John a target in front of the whole studio. This really irks me (could you tell?).

So, they are done with that particular "brand" and will move on and find something a little more family friendly. It's sad.

Seems like this year has brought many changes for our family. It also seems that most of the changes have been for the best, and I think this one probably will be too.

What moms say

spanish and english - espanol y ingles

In an effort to improve my Spanish and eventually get the designation of BILINGUAL I decided to make a project out of it. I will begin, as of today, to blog in both English and Spanish. This will enable me to really practice my words, sentence structure and tenses. I will attempt translation first on my own, and then enlist the help of translation tools, dictionary, etc.

En un esfuerzo para mejorar mi hablando de espanol, y conseguir eventual la designación de bilingüe, decidia para hacer esto un proyecto. Comenzaré, en fecha hoy, para escribir aqui en ingles y espanol. Esto me ayudará realmente a practicar mis palabras, estructura de oración y tiempos del verbo. Intentaré traducir, primero por me. Si no, conseguiré ayuda del diccionario.

Muy bien!

Special Effects and the last two weeks

Training day 011 of 168.

So, after two weeks of class, I felt toxic. Seriously toxic. Some days were just a struggle to stay awake and focused. A slew of plain M&Ms helped me through, or did I imagine that? Regardless, by Friday of the second week my body was rebelling. I just felt like a bit jumble of "ickiness". Puffy, toxic, and gross. I ate healthy all weekend, worked out every day and by this morning (Monday of the 3rd week) I feel very much improved, almost back to normal. Another week of healthy should do the trick. I had NO candy at all today. And I didn't even have a diet pop!

I was browsing around the computer and remembered this special effects picture that Jordan altered. I just love it. Well, I took the picture of course, but I have always loved to take pictures of the kids when they aren't actually "posing" for the camera. Just natural shots of life. This was was during a heavy rainstorm a couple of weeks ago and the kids were watching it come down through the storm door. Jordan made some changes to the color and I think it's awesome! Click on it to make it giant size!

new

new job - it starts today at 8am. 8 months of training. then several months spent on review and then finally, you're free. i am worried about a few things. will i find a parking spot. how much will the damn spot cost me? i really wanted to take the bus---but unfortunately the schedule just does not work out with the training hours. after class ends, perhaps. i worry about what to wear. i am so freakin' anal I actually have in my closet 8 outfits put together already to take me through the next 8 workdays. i worry to much about some stuff.

i haven't been sleeping well this weekend. nervous about what is to come, excited about what may happen in the future.

last night was a beauty. ran over to karen's to give her the Amish baby blankie i picked up in jamesport. they are all doing well. just a few short weeks and amelia will make her appearance into this world. a new person, a new life, a million possibilities. told brian he needed to be a park ranger and work for the MO dept of natural resources. it would just be fabulous if he thought he could live around here. like fixing the past. you can't ever reclaim what's gone, but you can make your present world the way you want it to be in many, many ways.

by the way, jordy drove all the way to karen and ricks. we almost slammed into somebody at a stoplight, but other than that she got 1-1/2 hours of driving time in, and did pretty well on the highway. we practiced parking in an empty parking lot.

i spent about an hour on the patio last night reading 'return of the king'. just all comfy and spread out on the new furniture out there, with my amaretto and seven and I read outside until darkness forced me back in. and, the neighbors were all behaving themselves! no crazy yelling going on.

movies we watched this week that i will have to watch again,
Gattaca
Othello

Loose Park

After I got back from Squaw Creek, then John and I headed over to Loose Park to see the last of the season's roses.
This shot of the trees needs a person in it. Oh well. I still like it.

Ducks and geese.

A quiet spot.

Okay, let me talk about these turtles (see the ducks in the bushes?). They would climb up on this little concrete ramp. Ducks would decide it was time to swim and just slide down, knocking some or all of the turtles off. Then the turtles would climb back! It was hilarious.

There were two weddings happening that we saw at the rose garden. The first had a bagpipe and guitar player. The second couple arrived as we were leaving, in a REAL ROLLS ROYCE - steering wheel on the right and everything. About 200 feet away, just walking away to our car, we heard a computerized voice that said "for security purposes you may not photograph this car.. please step away..." Something like that.